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Jul 31 / Christopher Chmielewski

The Wolfson Saga Part 2: Who is Wolfson?

The sun was still high in the sky as Chris was packing up to go home. It was summer time here in Michigan and it would stay bright outside until eight pm or later. Today had been a particularly boring day, in fact only one customer came in at all. The customer had been an older women with graying hair. She had been upset about maybe catching a worm and promptly requested her computer to be “dewormed.” After packing up his personal items Christopher proceeded towards the door. After locking it he step outside and began walking home. While he walked he whistled to himself. After about a quarter of a block he heard someone say “that’s a mighty fine tune you got there.” As he glanced over he saw crazy Jimmy smiling as he walked towards him.

“Hey man just the person I wanted to see, how are you doing?” Crazy Jimmy went in for a high five-handshake as he replied “I’m doing alright.” Jim was a pretty cool guy. He heard voices at times but that just made him more interesting. “Hey Jimmy I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the other day.” The smile slowly melted from his face, “Oh you mean about how you lied about seeing Demi Moore?” Chris really didn’t want to get into it with Jim so he just apologized for “lying”. As soon as he apologized Jim’s smile came back, “What else where you going to say about yesterday?” Chris got a little bit nervous, what if it hadn’t been Jimmy that I heard? What if he doesn’t know what I’m talking about? “Yesterday I thought I heard you mention something about Woflson. Do you mind me asking who he is?” Jim sighed, “He’s just a voice I hear sometimes y’know in my head.” Chris stared at Jimmy blankly, that name it was in my dream and it talks to Jim too? Could I be going crazy?

Chris was walking through his front door at a quarter to six. His stomach growled. Time for dinner he thought. Being a young bachelor that lived alone there was hardly ever any real food around. Closing and locking the door behind him Chris made his way to the kitchen. While looking through his cupboards he found some ramen.

After microwaving the ramen Chris sat down to eat at his computer. Remembering the conversation from earlier he decided to google “who is Wolfson?” Nothing really came up which was strange because you would think somebody somewhere would be named Wolfson. After about twenty minutes of searching every which way Chris was about to give up. Just as he was about to give up he came across a website for an occult bookstore. This must be fate. The bookstore was only a thirty five minute drive from where Chris lived. I’ll for sure visit this place first thing in the morning.

Chris awoke around nine thirty the next morning since it was Saturday and his shop was closed. He had made sure to check the hours last night for the occult bookstore; they were open noon to five. After a quick shower and shave Chris grabbed a cereal bar and left to go meet the eleven o’clock bus. As he waited in the bus stop shelter Chris began to unwrap his cereal bar. Christopher’s watch beeped signaling it just turned eleven; the bus was nowhere to be seen. Figures the bus is never fucking on time. The bus didn’t arrive until a little past eleven twenty, being so anxious about unraveling the Wolfson enigma made it seem like a eternity however.

The bus pulled up to a bus stop that was three blocks away from the bookstore at about twelve twenty. About a mile back it had begun to pour. Great some creepy weather for some creepy occult shit. Chris was not looking forward to walking these three blocks in the rain but he pushed on.

Christopher strolled up to the bookstore around twelve forty five. As he arrived the sky grew darker. Stepping inside the ominous looking building Chris immediately noticed the cute cashier. She was about five seven and a hundred and thirty pounds from the looks of it. With long jet black hair and porcelain skin she looked like someone you could imagine working in an occult bookstore. Smiling Chris walked up to the counter and proceeded to ask her if they had any books on something called a Wolfson. She looked a bit perturbed, “Oh you’re one of those weirdos with their silly web 2.0 end of the world prophecies, follow me.” Wow for working in an occult bookstore she’s pretty judgmental. As Chris followed her he couldn’t help but feel a bit foolish “Y’know I’m just researching this for a fictional story I’m working on. I’m not some end of the world nutter.” She didn’t say a word.

copied with permission from Quixotic Conundrum

Jul 26 / Christopher Chmielewski

The Wolfson Saga Part 1: Man I feel like I’m in Hollywood

Even the pitter-patter of the rain hitting the windowsill could not lull Christopher back to sleep. He was wide awake and staring at the clock next to his bed; the big red numbers displayed 3:17. Chris didn’t feel like he could ever fall back asleep after what had happened. For months now a vivid dream had jolted Chris awake every day at this exact time. The dream was always the same he was in the park playing with his niece. After quite some time of pushing her on the swing she got tired of swinging and wanted to go play on the monkey bars. As the swing slowed and she hopped off Chris would feel his phone vibrate. As he reached into his pocket to pull out his phone the world became deathly silent. Unlocking his phone Chris could see he had one facebook notification. For some reason at this moment he began to sweat profusely and was filled with a deep sense of dread. He wanted to scream; to somehow stop himself from clicking the notification but was utterly powerless. The instant Chris did hit to show the notification a loud cracking boom reverberated through the atmosphere “WOLFSON SSSSMMMAAAASSSHHH!” The sky lit up as if a dozen nuclear bombs had just gone just gone off in the distance. Like any sane person Chris sheilded his from the blinding light. After a few minutes he would peek out and see light had died down. As he looked around all he could see was a baren wasteland with all the playground equipment broken. It looked like a war zone. At that moment he would wake up in a cold sweat.

The sun was unusually bright this morning and as it shone through the window onto Christopher’s face he awoke. His eyes where still heavey, as best he could tell he fell back asleep around 4:30. Turning over he caught a glmpse of the clock; 7:30. “Oh shit I have to be at work in an hour and a half!” Chris hopped out of bed and made a mad dash for the bathroom.

As Christopher ate breakfast he couldn’t help but think about that dream. What’s a Wolfson smash? Who is Wolfson? What does any of this mean?
As Chris slurped down the milk left in his bowl he heard the alarm start beeping telling him he had to leave now to make it to work on time. Chris owned a small computer repair shop at the end of his street. To be honest the shop wasn’t doing too well, there were very few costumers. Despite the fact that the shop wasn’t rolling in the dough Chris was quite happy with it. It’s true there were few customers but the margins where unbelievable and while it wouldn’t make him rich it was keeping him afloat well enough.

As Chris was walking to his shop he was on his smart phone facebook chatting with a women he had just randomly friended the night before. The women was a real beauty and as far as he could tell from their brief chatting had an awesome personality to boot! He was really hoping this could go somewhere. About halfway through his walk he heard a whisper in his ear “You know Wolfson doesn’t like that.” Chris had not seen who had whispered in his ear because his face was buried in his cell phone as he chatted with his prospective girlfriend. Chris twirled around every which way to look but no one was there. The voice had sounded like it belonged to crazy Jimmy though. Crazy Jimmy was a regular fixture of the neighborhood. Everyone knew him but no one seemed to know his full story. As best as Chris could tell he was homeless and schizophrenic. A while ago a few people in the neighborhood tried to get him help but he refused.

By this time Chris was in his shop and was sitting behind the counter. It looked like it was going to be another slow day. Chris stared out the window at the passing traffic as he day dreamed about winning the lottorey. About half an hour after opening crazy Jimmy burst through the door. “DID YOU SEE DEMI MOORE?! SHE JUST LEFT HERE!” he exclaimed with excitement. Chris was caught of guard it took a moment to process what crazy Jimmy had even asked. After a few seconds Chris replied, “No I haven’t seen her but there’s something I want to ask you.” Insiting Demi Moore had truly been here Jimmy told Chris to check with his friends in the back. “I’m the only one here. I’ve been here all day and Demi Morre never came in. Can I please ask you something though?” Not to be dissuade Jim turned around and leisurely walked out the door as he shouted “MAN I FEEL LIKE I’M IN HOLLYWOOD!”

Copied from Quixotic Conundrum with permission.