A New World
Much to my surprise, I discovered two major things this holiday season. The first was that I was ready for a joyful and meaningful Christmas. I had really enjoyed buying gifts this year but I wasn’t certain how the actual day would go. It was calm, happy and celebratory. The second was that I came to recognize how much my own triggers of grief and abandonment fears had been affecting me. I couldn’t describe why it was happening but I was often feeling like a pendulum swinging from the present to the past. Bringing these two together, and with an amazing amount of patience and support from Debbie, I not only had a wonderful Christmas with my children, but also found myself wanting to be ever present in my current life.
Across these many months Debbie and I have been quietly building the roots for an ever more satisfying and deepening relationship. Our increasing understanding and acceptance of each other, along with the fun, conversation, adventures and closeness we share came even more to light. This may be my last blog because I am learning that letting go is part of moving ahead. Not forgetting, of course, but letting go of the past relationship for sustenance and esteem. I will still share my story in presentations, and help others to share theirs, but my own emotional life, my home life with my children, my relationship with Debbie and her children, and my friendships, occupy my heart and mind now.