Today is the one-thousandth day since Susan’s death. It makes me chuckle to think about my semi-obsession with numbers like this. Since August I have been counting down to this day; as if it has a special meaning. It must have a special meaning because I again found another “gift from Susan.”
In looking for some Scotch tape I found a papyrus bag filled with the most wonderful unused occasion cards. I always loved the cards I got from Susan and the ones she gave me to send out. Here today, I came upon her stash. The cards are funny, touching, unique and special: So was Susan, as was her joy of finding things like these cards. She had a special joy in discovering things, like music, or a new dress or slacks at a second-hand retail store. How I admired her patience and her joy, her taste and her sensitivity.
I’m so grateful to Susan for allowing herself to share all of who she was with me, and to let me love her, wholly and unconditionally. I hope in the days ahead to regain more of the equilibrium I enjoyed in the summer and to become more accepting again of Susan’s absence. It is the challenge of grief; how to incorporate those feelings of loss into a life of healing. I don’t have the answers, but I’m still seeking them and still choosing to heal.