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Jul 26 / Christopher Chmielewski

The Wolfson Saga Part 1: Man I feel like I’m in Hollywood

Even the pitter-patter of the rain hitting the windowsill could not lull Christopher back to sleep. He was wide awake and staring at the clock next to his bed; the big red numbers displayed 3:17. Chris didn’t feel like he could ever fall back asleep after what had happened. For months now a vivid dream had jolted Chris awake every day at this exact time. The dream was always the same he was in the park playing with his niece. After quite some time of pushing her on the swing she got tired of swinging and wanted to go play on the monkey bars. As the swing slowed and she hopped off Chris would feel his phone vibrate. As he reached into his pocket to pull out his phone the world became deathly silent. Unlocking his phone Chris could see he had one facebook notification. For some reason at this moment he began to sweat profusely and was filled with a deep sense of dread. He wanted to scream; to somehow stop himself from clicking the notification but was utterly powerless. The instant Chris did hit to show the notification a loud cracking boom reverberated through the atmosphere “WOLFSON SSSSMMMAAAASSSHHH!” The sky lit up as if a dozen nuclear bombs had just gone just gone off in the distance. Like any sane person Chris sheilded his from the blinding light. After a few minutes he would peek out and see light had died down. As he looked around all he could see was a baren wasteland with all the playground equipment broken. It looked like a war zone. At that moment he would wake up in a cold sweat.

The sun was unusually bright this morning and as it shone through the window onto Christopher’s face he awoke. His eyes where still heavey, as best he could tell he fell back asleep around 4:30. Turning over he caught a glmpse of the clock; 7:30. “Oh shit I have to be at work in an hour and a half!” Chris hopped out of bed and made a mad dash for the bathroom.

As Christopher ate breakfast he couldn’t help but think about that dream. What’s a Wolfson smash? Who is Wolfson? What does any of this mean?
As Chris slurped down the milk left in his bowl he heard the alarm start beeping telling him he had to leave now to make it to work on time. Chris owned a small computer repair shop at the end of his street. To be honest the shop wasn’t doing too well, there were very few costumers. Despite the fact that the shop wasn’t rolling in the dough Chris was quite happy with it. It’s true there were few customers but the margins where unbelievable and while it wouldn’t make him rich it was keeping him afloat well enough.

As Chris was walking to his shop he was on his smart phone facebook chatting with a women he had just randomly friended the night before. The women was a real beauty and as far as he could tell from their brief chatting had an awesome personality to boot! He was really hoping this could go somewhere. About halfway through his walk he heard a whisper in his ear “You know Wolfson doesn’t like that.” Chris had not seen who had whispered in his ear because his face was buried in his cell phone as he chatted with his prospective girlfriend. Chris twirled around every which way to look but no one was there. The voice had sounded like it belonged to crazy Jimmy though. Crazy Jimmy was a regular fixture of the neighborhood. Everyone knew him but no one seemed to know his full story. As best as Chris could tell he was homeless and schizophrenic. A while ago a few people in the neighborhood tried to get him help but he refused.

By this time Chris was in his shop and was sitting behind the counter. It looked like it was going to be another slow day. Chris stared out the window at the passing traffic as he day dreamed about winning the lottorey. About half an hour after opening crazy Jimmy burst through the door. “DID YOU SEE DEMI MOORE?! SHE JUST LEFT HERE!” he exclaimed with excitement. Chris was caught of guard it took a moment to process what crazy Jimmy had even asked. After a few seconds Chris replied, “No I haven’t seen her but there’s something I want to ask you.” Insiting Demi Moore had truly been here Jimmy told Chris to check with his friends in the back. “I’m the only one here. I’ve been here all day and Demi Morre never came in. Can I please ask you something though?” Not to be dissuade Jim turned around and leisurely walked out the door as he shouted “MAN I FEEL LIKE I’M IN HOLLYWOOD!”

Copied from Quixotic Conundrum with permission.