Do you ever feel as though you’re a jinx?

The things you want in life, are the ones you end up losing.

Take for example the soccer game today: U.S.A was winning by two points (WOO HOO!!) and then Brazil came back and scored two points.

And then it was a tie.

And then it was all over, with Brazil scoring another point.

I was rooting for U.S.A.

I should have just rooted for Brazil instead. Sorry guys…I think I jinxed yout. But you all played so great. Especially Howard, the American goalie.
So kudos to you for showing the world what you can do.  And coming second in the World Confederations Cup.

:::APPLAUSE:::

And here are pictures of my favorite player from each team:

This is Donovan from the American team

I mistakenly thought he was the captain of the American team originally. He was wearing the captain arm band one of the first games that I saw of U.S.A. in the confederation cup.

This guy is a real team player. In my opinion, he’s one of the best rounded players America has.

Yeah Altidore is an amazing striker. And Dempsey really made some great shots, but this guy he’s something else.

His footwork, how he gets the ball, going all out, and the way he almost leads his team (or was when was wearing the band) .

Remember the post I wrote earlier? About how I was turned off by U.S.A at first, but liked a couple of their players? Well, he is one those few that I had first liked.

Now from the Brazilian team, an old favorite, from the 2006 FIFA World Cup (I had actually become semi-obsessed with this guy)

This here is Kaka…wearing gloves.
The game was in South Africa, and the temperature during the match was 50 degrees.

Which is like freezing for everyone else. So all the Brazilian players had neck warmers or gloves on.  And the audience was wearing winter jackets, knitted hats and scarves.

If only they could experience a true winter.  Here in Detroit, the land of true winter, when winter starts to end, and it’s like 50 degrees outside, the shorts, t-shirts, and flip flops come out.

Trust me. I’m one of those that dusts off my flip flops. And pulls out my many spring jackets.

So yeah, his fingers were cold. He wasn’t doing it in rememberance of Michael Jackson. Cuz if he was, he’s wearing the wrong colors.

Going off on a tangent, I guess on M.J’, I wanted to say a few words.

Before his death,  M.J. had a lot of negative attention focused on him by the majority of America. And I didn’t really know much or really bothered looking into it. I liked how he had music focusing on the world’s hunger, children of the world  and the environmental problems, and for that I appreciated him.

When all the child sexual assault cases came out, things got even worse for him. While I wasn’t a fan of him, I didn’t quite believe that he had committed the crimes that he was accused off. I don’t know why. He seemed like a troubled guy, but not a horrible person.

At that point, I felt bad for a guy, that seemed to look so lonely, and craving emotional support. Anyways, that’s what he looked like to me.

But with his death, all of a sudden, all of America is turning around and doing these highlights and things about him.  And while I haven’t watched one all the way through, I have seen bits and pieces of different ones. And his recent life really does seem sad.  I never knew he was such a big philanthropist and it’s incredible how much people did not focus on that part about him.

Anyways, that’s all I wanted to say.

Oh yeah, the point of this post was to talk about how I’m a jinx. Well in a sentence, every team I would expect to win or root to win, is the one that lost in that game.

I’m going to have to come up with a game plan before the FIFA World Cup next year.
Man, I would do anything to get tickets to one of the games next year.

(Not including paying for them)

It would be awesome…sigh

So how many of you guys follow soccer?

If you were born and raised in America, you probably don’t.

Heck, even I don’t follow club soccer. I mean I’ll pay attention to it once in a while, but never properly follow it.

But when it comes to National soccer, I LOVE IT!!!

Soccer has been my favorite sport since I was little.  I would run around with my soccer ball, imaging myself to be the next Captain Majid (Don’t ask…A japanese  soccer cartoon…completely dubbed)

Oh. How  I wanted to  play soccer.

…….Anyways. This brings me to the one of the best games I’ve seen this year.

U.S.A. vs Spain !!!!!

Spain has not lost a  game since 2006, has an unbeaten 35 game streak, and had a  15 game winning streak (an internationl record).

U.S.A.’s men team  has always been known as a “decent or pretty good or okay” team (nothing like the women’s team which has ranged from the best to really good). It qualified for the confederations cup, but played extremely sloppy matches against Italy and Brazil.

Lost, 3-1 by Italy, and 3-0 by Brazil.

There were a couple of players that I really liked, but I became completely turned off by the team.  A lot of people were expecting them to get kicked out pretty soon.

U.S.A would go up against Egypt next. One of the favorites of the tournament.

Egypt had beat Italy. With their keeper Essam El Hadary earning mine and many other people’s greatest admiration and respect.  (Random note: Italy is one of my least favorite teams..Another reason why I was so turned off by America and cheered on for Egypt)

So with the Egypt and U.S.A match. The world is pretty much expecting to say goodbye to a team that hasn’t been showing much promise. To move on to the finals, it would need to not only beat Egypt by three points, but Brazil would have to beat Italy by three points as well!

And it was crazy.

U.S.A. had transformed.. during the match !
They kept shooting and shooting at Egypt. While Egyptian keeper Essam El Hadary did an amazing job, even with a bleeding head, you can’t keep winning against that kind of onslaught.

It started with a goal by Davies. Which wasn’t much of a goal to be proud of, but that was all America needed.

On anther field, Brazil was running circles around Italy. It was almost like they were making fun of Italy.  A lot of people were shccked with the poor  performance of the FIFA World Champions. ( I was fine..and promise I don’t hate Italy. I really don’t. I’m just holding some grudge against them ). And then there it was, Brazil’s third goal against Italy.

So there I am watching Egypt, the team I supported, slowly but surely and completely losing to America.

It was upsetting. America, in my book, still hadn’t earned its right to come back. It was extremely disappointing watching Egypt lose, and by a score of 0-3.

Wait. What? Against all those odds, America had gotten exactly what they needed to move on the semi-finals!!
Even Brazil kept its end of the bargain!
How did this even happen?

And when me and my brother were talking,

“Amrah. America is versing Spain tomorrow”

“Yeah I know. U.S.A is about to get crushed!! “

“It’ll be pretty sweet”

“Pssshh It’ll be a JOKE. A JOKE. Spain is NOT losing against U.S.A. HECK NO.”

Spain, F.Y.I , is my current favorite team. They really are. I had rooted for them during the Euro cup finals. And could only think of jumping up and down when they won.

So no way, is my favorite, beautiful Spain losing against U.S.A.

And then I was wrong.

You know how I said, that U.S.A had transformed last time? Well I was wrong. It was now, that U.S.A had transformed.

They played smart, they were effecient, every player gave his all, the defense was amazing, and they were persistent . Even though, Spain clearly had more control over the ball, and outshot U.S.A. 29-9.

And I couldn’t help noticing all of that. I also wondered if the game was rigged.

But it worked.

U.S.A caused one of the biggest upsets for the world. They beat the team with a 35 unbeaten game streak. The team that had not lost since 2006. The team, most were expecting to win the Confederations Cup.

And it was an amazing match today. U.S.A. won 2-0.

And I was actually cheering them on during the match. Like I said, I couldn’t help noticing how much they improved.  And they wooed me over during the match. It was almost like the Euro Cup all over again. Only now it was for the U.S.A.

Spain is still my favorite. But U.S.A, I am so proud of you!!!!!!

So now we wait if you do the same in the  finals.

It’s like Detroit held the fireworks just for you today. I hope my friends at Wayne State enjoyed watching the show from Wayne State. (You can use the parking structures as an easy and great way to watch them)

p.s. The rumors about the Egytian team, started by the local press. In my opinion, they were bogus.

There was a post I had writted a while ago, the night I found that my grandmother had passed away. She’s been in my thoughts a lot lately. And sometimes I confuse myself and think she’s alive, and go through a mini-confused shock while trying to convince myself she’s dead.

I don’ t know why I keep doing that to myself. I think it’s because I had promised myself I was going to become someone great while she was alive, and would able to rescue her from her illness. And I was going to get my grandmother to smile proudly at me. That she would be alive when I would have kids and play with them, even if it was just an Indian nursery rhyme.

I had a similar promise to myself with my grandfather also. I used to butt heads with him quite a bit. But when I had come back to America, I had promised myself then, that I would go back and listen to him and properly take in all the knowledge he wanted to so badly teach his grandchildren. Of course it was too late. I remember the night we got a phone call, saying his condition was very bad, and my family India were expecting the worst. I had prayed and prayed, and told God he had to promise he wouldn’t let anything happen to my grandfather. Not yet. Just not yet. Give me another chance. I had begged and cried.

I fell asleep at some point, and woke up the next morning fully believing God would listen to my duas (prayers). The next morning when I woke up to go to school, I overheard my parents whispering.

I convinced myself I had heard them wrong, and went to school. That day I stayed happy, and very forcibly pushed any thoughts aside.

After the way I prayed, I knew God won’t take him away from me yet.  I’m sure I misheard my parents.

I took my time coming back home, and raced to my bedroom to avoid my teary-eyed mom, and the visitors who were coming to offer their condolences.

I started calling all those people stupid for coming so early, before anything happened. My mom was in too much grief to notice me avoiding everyone.

The next day I did the same thing, only this time my mom stopped me on my way up.
“Amrah, you know that nanababa (grandfather)…”
“Mummy, I have to go the bathroom really badly. You don’t need to say anything”

I had cut her off before she could say anything.

“But you know right that he…passed away. Right?”
“…”

I nodded my head and turned away.

I went to my bedroom. And while I was trying to convince myself how I could have misheard, tears were already running down my cheeks.

Compared to the shock and denial I had kept myself in for my grandfather, my grandmother’s death came with a faster acceptance. I had regrets with both. There were times, a lot of times, even a year after my grandfather passed away, where I would randomly start crying really hard.

Sometimes it would happen at school, a lot of times it would happen at parties with my friends. I would pride myself of being able to cover the fact that I was crying. And that no one would ever notice. But with my grandmother the only time I had cried hard, was the night she passed away.

Just that one time. And maybe that’s the reason why I sometimes get confused and think she’s alive. Maybe I haven’t completely gotten  my closure from it.

And so here’s the post I had written the night, I found that my grandmother had passed away:

It’s like a dream. A bad dream. Or at least it feels like one.

I’m sitting, with a white piece of paper, with names of people scribbled all over it, things to do, and people to call for the bridal shower I’m helping throw for a best friend. At the same time, I’m on the phone with one of the people, and moving the laser pointer around with my other hand, smiling, watching my cat chase after the little red dot.

There it goes again. The phone’s ringing. It’s past midnight, anyone who knows my family wouldn’t call at this time, let alone call twice. I ran to pick up the phone, afraid it’ll wake up my sleeping parents, hoping I won’t miss it again. It’s my uncle, from Saudi Arabia.

Asalaam walaikum ( Peace be with You, a Muslim greeting)
Walaikum asalaam (And peace be on to you as well) How are you Bhaijan Mama? (what I call my mom’s oldest brother)
I’m doing good alhamdulillah (Another Islamic term-Thanks be to God). How are you?
I reply the same
Is your mom awake?
Errr lemme go check

She had partially woken up due to the phone, but was still too sleepy to answer the phone

She’s sleeping Bhaijan Mama. Should I wake her up?
Oh Ok, no don’t. Tell her that your nani ammi ( my grandmother, my mom’s mother), your nani ammi ok, tell her she passed away when she wakes up.

Silence

Oh um ok. ( I wasn’t getting it. Who is he talking about? It can’t be MY nannammi. It wouldn’t happen like this. I’m doing a bridal shower.)
Ok just tell her naani ammi passed away. (Now I’m noticing, how raspy and quiet his voice sounds, devoid of his usual enthusiasm). Did you understand?
Oh ok. Um ok.
She passed away 15 minutes ago. She died today, on such an important day.
Yeah…( and that’s when it hit me) Are you doing ok? ( I asked clumsily, barely remembering it was his mother as well)
I’m doing ok alhamdulillah. Okay then, I’ll talk to your mom in the morning.

I hang up and and the next thing I know is, I’m already crying.
I remember the prayer Muslims are supposed to read whenever they hear the news of someone’s death and read it fast, feeling stupid.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi rajioun ( From God we come, and to Him we return)

I tell my friend I’ll talk to her later and hang up. I’ve never gotten this upset, this fast before. I didn’t even get a chance to hold back my tears, and wait for the familiar glazing over in my vision from the build up of tears.

I mentioned my grandmother in a post right before this one, seeing her was one of the things I was grateful for in the previous year.

She has, had a form of dementia/alzheimers, and when I saw her the past summer, she had no idea who my mom was, and could barely move. In the beginning I sat with her for sometime, helping her remember her own name, hoping she would at least return to the way she was a couple summers ago, when I saw her last.

After sometime, I started avoiding her because it scared me to see my grandmother, who I used to see every summer as a child, like that. It was like she had already left us and I was powerless to help her.

Now she really did leave us. No, she was actually gone, way before that.
I’m sitting and crying hard, but trying to be quiet. I didn’t want to wake my parents.
It hits me again. I can’t tell my mom. How dare my uncle leave me with this kind of a horrible job? What do I do? Maybe I can wait for my dad to wake up and tell him to tell her. Yeah I’ll do that. I can’t believe he wanted me to break the news.

I tried imagining what it would be like to recieve the news that your mom passed away. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to be the one to do that. I’ll just wait till morning and tell my dad. And again it hits me, how could I be horrible enough to wait till morning? I would hate anyone who would do the same. What’s wrong with me? It’ s her mom. My grandmother…the same strong woman who used to defend me whenever my grandfather would get angry with me. The one who raised my mother. The one who would read the Quran (our holy book written in Arabic) out loud so beautifully that every time, I would want to just sit and listen to her.

I walk over to my parents room
Mom? Mummy?
She turns around. Yeah?
Umm ( Don’t prolong it! Say it!) Nanni ammi passed away.
Silence
Mummy, nanni ammi passed away.
She sighs, I knew it. He wouldn’t call this late unless something happened. When did it happen?
He said 20 minutes ago
Inna lillahi wa inna illahi rajioun

I’m standing there crying. I was more or less expecting this reaction from my mom. She was hit really, really hard when we saw my nanniammi the past summer. While uncomfortably rubbing my foot against my other leg, I’m wondering if I should hug her . I’m not the hugging type but more importantly I was afraid she would start crying if I do.

It’s ok. She was gone already, I hear my mom say

I looked down and noticed my cat had been following me around. I smile at my cat. Marveling at her ability to realize that I was upset.

My dad wakes up. What’s wrong? What happened? ( I wasn’t crying out loud. For the most part it was just quiet. And once again I’m amazed at the ability of God’s creations to be so sensitive of their surroudings.)

I wait for my mom to answer. She doesn’t say anything.
Nanniammi passed away. Bhaijan mama just called.

He says the same prayer outloud and then says,
At least she’s not suffering any more. It was her time, and she died on such a blessed day.

Yeah, alhamdulillah. My mom agrees. She was already gone, at least now she’s at peace.

I walked over to my mom, my cat following at my feet. And I lied down, partially on top of my mom, my legs still on the ground.
It was an awkward hug, She was turned to the side, facing away from me, i had my stomach on top of the side of her back, and my head on her shoulder.
I stopped crying.
I listened to her breathing and synchronized my breathing with her’s, and stood there quietly. Wondering, what kind of pain my mom was feeling. I looked at her face. She wasn’t crying. She opens her eyes, and tells me to go to sleep.

My dad gets up. Repeats again what he said earlier. I felt like he was trying to comfort himself and my mom. He lies back down in awkward position.

I get up to leave, and hear my father repeating the same phrase again, at least she’s not suffering anymore and she passed away on an important day. He asks if my uncle is going to India, to help bury her. I tell him I don’t know.

Salma was gonna go see her. She was leaving on the 15th. Poor thing, she wanted to visit mummy, I heard my Mom saying as I left the room ( Salma is my mom’s younger sister, my mom is extremely close to her)

I stopped crying and decided I wanted to get my feelings out. I wanted to write about it. People die everyday, somebody’s grandparent, father, mother, child, sibling is dying somewhere. Do I have a right to be this upset? What about those people, children that are dying due to war, disease, hunger? I think of all the articles I read about the people that died at the hands of Israel, that the general American population don’t know about, or don’t care about.

The same reason why most of the world hates America. Because of America’s refusal to ever tell Israel it’s doing something wrong, even when the rest of the U.N. is blatantly saying Israel is committing atrocities.

So do I have a right to be this upset? If I am going to grieve for one life, I should be grieving for all those lives as well. It’s not fair on my part to be selfish. Like my mom said, my grandmother had left us a long time ago. I already shed my tears when I saw her last summer.

So why am I crying again? Why am I feeling so much regret for not spending more time with her? For not doing more for her? Why do I not want to belive it, and hope that I can go back and serve her? Why do I miss someone who had already left? Why does it ache to say nanniammi?
I miss her. I want her back. The way she used to be. I don’t want my mom feeling this pain, that must be a thousand times worse than mine. My mom’s a strong woman when it comes to things like these, but I’m not.

I want her back. Am I not going to see her face again? The one wrinkled through age, and hair that was so white, that I would sometimes be fascinated at the color.

But I want to be happy for her, my nanni ammi, I want to be. Be happy that she’s happy to be with her Creator, not hurting anymore.

I don’t have my grandmother anymore. God does.

God please forgive her for all her sins. And let her enter Paradise. And tell her I loved her and I’m sorry I wasn’t a better grandchild. Please God. Please.

I don’t know how long this post is, or how boring it is, or how many mistakes it has, but if you got to end of this post, I want to ask you to make a prayer for all those who are dying or suffering. And if you don’t believe in God, then do something you feel will make a difference.

Is she really gone?

P.S. I have some of the most amazing friends. Ones who took out time the very next day to drive over to my place to make sure I’m okay and gave me a reason to keep distracted. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do anything for them that would return my appreciation for that day. I really do love you guys. You guys did something that day, that makes our friendship unbreakable insh’Allah.  And sorry that I forget sometimes.

You guys are much better than anything  anyone would ever find in Twilight   

This past Friday while I was on campus, I convinced a friend to take me down to  the Detroit river front. Something I’ve been wanting to do for ages. But for an odd reason I can only find time to do things spontaneously. And that day happened to be one my spontaneous moments days.

So we drove to  downtown Detroit, and parked by the riverfront. And, it was beautiful!

It was breezy but sunny and warm. The place was crowded, with people walking around, running with their dogs, families eating food, and couples having a good time.

There was a merry go round, that my friend kept on insisting she wanted to go on. I told her she should, but she was too embarassed to be seen with the kids. Though I don’t think anyone else would have seen the difference.

And a little area where water springs were shooting up. Kids were yelling, running back and forth. There was the cutest toddler squealing with delight while running down the middle. His mom was following him by walking on the side of the  water springs.

Then we heard a really loud noise and turned to the river to see a plane flying past us. We watched it go up, shoot down, flip a couple times, rotate around, and make sharp turns around big cones. We were very confused. But who cared, it was AWESOME!!

Then another plane came, and did its own set of tricks. And another one. And another one. We watched them leave their own trail of smoke. My friend wanted to write out her name. (this is the one of many times where I rolled my eyes mentally)

I even tried taking a picture with my cellphone, which turned out to be like crap.

But it’s still  pretty cool seeing one fly over the Detroit river.

We eventually figured out that an air race was taking place the next day, the Red Bull Air Race.  Friday, was practice day. Pilots from different countries came down for this race. We started noticing all the cameramen that were recording the practice flights. I was VERY much tempted to stick my face in front of this guy’s camera.

“HELLO MISTER!

What’s going on?

Huh mister? HUH!”

It would have been funny to see him jump back and then watch us run away laughing like idiots.

After gawking and sighing for a bit longer, (at the planes not the camera man…jeez) we went into the General Motors building, by the river front. And once again, that place was beautiful!!

First thing we saw was the setup for the Air Race. They had pictures of all the pilots and their flags. We tried figuring out a couple of the countries from their flags and failed (our great American education never fails us). Actually since my friend is  a self-proclaimed geography know- it-all, SHE, failed.

We were trying to figure out the way to the Detroit People Mover. A cable car that a friend of mine once described as, “that takes you from nowhere to nowhere!” But we were going down to Greektown, and the People Mover (yeah I noticed the extremely retarded name as well. People. Mover. Cuz it moves you….wow) stopped there.

We could have walked there, but my feet were in EXTREME agony because of my shoes. I had taken off my shoes and was walking around barefoot. And yes, I did get some looks. And no, I didn’t feel like an idiot…actually maybe a bit.

A guy walked past us wearing a leather jacket and holding a helmet, looking very much like a pilot. Having the delayed response that I do, I decided I had to get his autograph after he disappeared from sight. We tried figuring out who the pilot was later on while looking at the pictures of the pilots. And narrowed it down to 4 guys.

We settled on the best looking one of the four, Matt Hall. AND,  he was from England. Yes, it had to be him. ( Yeah we confused Australia’s flag with England’s flag. And realized that yesterday. And FYI Matt Hall placed 4th. That’s our guy!).

And I was happily walking around like shoeless person would when I saw him. That is, until we got to the People Mover (Dun Dun DUNNNN..honestly don’t you feel like the name deserves some dramatic music?).

The People Mover (Dun dun dunn) you see, had a policy about people like me:As you can see, it says no bare feet. That meant my painful shoes went back on. Either that or I had to face the wrath of the People Mover’s people (Dun dunnn dun dun dunn)

So we got on the People Mover (Ahhh it’s the People MOVER!!!) and realized we were surrounded by a sea of Red Wings jerseys.

DUH! It was game 7 that day!!! Another reason why everything was so crowded and the mood was so happy!

And of course everyone started talking about the game, and how the Penguins were a joke blah blah blah…something 4-0 blah blah blah. More Red Wings fans come in, and others left. Then two people wearing Penguins jerseys came in

And I kid you not, the entire car (Yeah they’re called cars) went silent. And stared down the Penguins’ fans.

AWWWKKK WARDDDDDDD

So of course me and my friend decided to start counting all the Red Wings jerseys we see that day. We have impeccable timing like that.

We wanted to reach a 100 before we left. Or at least she did. I just gave her a hard time.

We were so caught up with out little game, that we realized we were at out stop, two seconds before the door closed. As I’m grabbing for my bag, I notice she’s just sitting there saying “S###!”

And  it was too late. The door closed. So we ended up going around for another trip. I wonder if they had any rules against that? Does it count as loitering????

There was a stop where I saw this really freaky dude:

Only he’s not a dude. It’s a STATUE!!! But oh my Goddd. If you looked at it, you would have been shocked yourself. It lookes so real…in person.
I would have screamed like a girl if that thing moved its head. Either that or cry like a baby.

Since I am a girl, I guess it would make more sense to go with the latter.

But besides freaky dude, the view from the car was amazing.

Let me share a picture from my handy dandy cell phone again:

Isn’t it beautiful?

Yeah. Downtown Detroit really has its beauty. But most people don’t ever see it. Especially those that live in Detroit.

My parents would definitely be surprised.

And not that I’m trying to get into some race discussion  or anything here, but what I really didn’t get is why a city made up of majority African Americans, had basically only Caucasians enjoying all this?

By the river front, inside the amazing buildings, in the People mover (duna dunn) African Americans were the minority, like some of the suburban highschools I’ve seen.
It makes no sense.

….

Anyways, in the end we took the cable car back to the GM building. We kept snickering at the sign that said,  Detroit People Mover: Now faster, smoother, better and more fun than ever before!

It really wasn’t.

We stepped out to find an even more amusing sign:

Apparently now the People Mover (Dun dun dunnnnn)  moves in a clockwork direction. It actually used to (Heaven Forbid!!!) move in the opposite direction!!!!!

Someone care to explain this? Cuz I just stood there with a very blank mind.

In one day I experienced the beauty of Detroit and the blank state of mind that comes from experiencing Detroit.

I found a seagull that was also undergoing the after effects of the Detroit shock-the blank state of mind.

Poor guy.

Wanna know something really cool (in a slightly geeky way) that goes on Wayne State’s campus?

It’s this thing called  the Wayne State’s Farmers Market.

It’ll be happening every Wednesday (started on June 3) from 11 am to 4 pm till October 28.  On Cass Avenue.

And what exactly is this ‘Farmer’s Market’?

Basically farmers from the Detroit and the surrounding metropolitan area come down to for this event hosted by SEED Wayne and sell their Detroit made or grown produce.

I was volunteering at my lab this past wednesday, when they all decided to take a walk down to the Farmer’s Market. God we were exhausted climbing down the stairs, and walking for an entire 30 seconds to the Farmer’s Market.

Farmers from the surrounding areas came down and set up in their stalls. Since the event had just kicked off, there  were only about 8 or 9 stalls. As the summer goes on, the campus area along Cass avenue, will be filled with local farmers and their produce.

I immediately checked out every stall, just absorbing all the different edibles and more on sale. They had organic bread, brick bread, cookies, vegetables, flowers, plants, fruits and I think all of it was organic.

Of course once I was done checking out the last bread stall, and mulling over whether I would want to spend money on the  oh so delicious looking  brick bread, I circled back to another bread stall.

You see, this bread vendor was selling cookies as well !

Should I go with the usual chocolate chip? Oh wait…these are made from sea salt. Is that a big deal? But I can always get a chocolate chip cookie.

I want something I can’t find anywhere else.

“Excuse me. What are those square shaped bars, next to the chocolate chip cookies?”
“Those are date bars”
“Date bars? “
“They’re made from dates, raisins and oatmeal.”
“Oh. How much?”
“Two dollars”

Huh, a bit expensive. But I like dates, and they’re definitely something I won’t find somewhere else.

And so I walked away with a brown envelope. Inside was my date bar, wrapped in wax paper. And I’ll tell you right now, for everyone that was grossed out, it was very good. But I didn’t know that until I got home.

Yummm. I want some now. I think I’m salivating.

Next thing I mulled over, were the flowers.

Oh they are so pretty.

And everyone is getting them.

Oh they have bouquets and plants too. Maybe I can get one for my mom. Or even a  friend.

There goes another guy with a bouquet
Sigh. I want one too. But I’m out of cash…stupid date bar!

Maybe if I stand and stare, somebody will feel pity on me and get me some flowers…As long as they’re not roses.

Either that or they’ll shoo me away, thinking I’m sort of bum.

Now that would be embarrassing!  …Oh strawberries!!!

So I ended up getting sidetracked. But I did remember my blog and researched a bit into the event for my readers. The event is made with accommodations for WSU students and low-income households.

Money on your WSU one card, could be used to exchange with tokens, which then in turn could be used to purchase items. Similarly, one could use the Michigan Bridge Card ( a debit card with food stamp dollar deposits).

There was a booth with a volunteer from SEED Wayne, named Will (I think). I approached Will (still not sure of his name) telling him about my blog and asking about his organization and the event. He gave me a pamphlet with his named and email (which I lost) and gave me a quick summary (I had to be back in lab).

SEED Wayne is the organization responsible for this, and several other events.

While SEED Wayne isn’t technically considered a Wayne State student organization, it’s housed in WSU’s department of Geography and Urban Planning.

They have both campus and community projects including a workshop in May, showing how to build a rain barrel, and even maintaining and growing garden beds on Wayne State’s campus.

Their goal?

SEED Wayne is dedicated to building sustainable food systems on the campus of Wayne State University and in Detroit communities. SEED Wayne works in partnership with community-based organizations promoting food security, urban agriculture, farm-to-institution, and food and fitness planning and policy development. (as taken from their website at http://www.clas.wayne.edu/seedwayne/)

So my recommendation?

Check it out. The Farmer’s Market and the organization. They both offer something really cool and unique.

As of now, according to AP news, a total of 41 bodies have been found from the Air France flight that had disappeared exactly a week ago. Just this morning, the number was 28.

There were a total of 228 people on that flight. And speculation is that the plane broke in midair.

That last fact, always sends shivers through my body. And the first image that pops up in my head is the one from the show, Lost. For those of you who know nothing about Lost, it’s a story of  passengers on a flight from Australia to America (I think) that crash lands on an island.

Some of the passengers survive, and start realizing they are on a very mysterious and dangerous island.

But it’s the scene where the plane breaks in half,  in midair that comes to mind. It was a dramatic scene then, and since the investigations of the Air France Flight 447 , it has become a frightening scene.

There are very few stories that I will actually keep myself updated on a daily basis. There are stories that could be considered more depressing or frightening, but like a lot of other people  I have become attached to this story. Because of a need to know what happens or happened to those on that flight.

Everyday since this past Saturday, when the first bodies were found, I can’t but help but hope that at least someone survived. And as the body count goes up everyday,  my hope becomes more desperate. But  it’s this hope that keeps me coming back to this story .

Imagining people sitting in an airplane, like the so many times I’ve done before, feeling that turbulence,trying to recall the air hostess’ instructions at the beginning of the flight,  the captain’s desperate choice to turn the plane out of the storm, . All of it is so surreal.

But it happened. And it happened to people that I’ve never met, and will never get to know. Brothers, sisters, grandparents, families with normal lives, facing a natural disaster. A common turbulence experience.

And it’s not the fact that Air France took so long fixing their speed sensor that makes me angry.

It’s how long they took to find the crash site that really gets to me. I don’t understand why, with all the technological advances and the satellites we have developed, it took several days before anything was found. Was it really that impossible for anyone to be alive after the crash?

Why can’t it be possible for anyone to have survived till now?

Crashes like these don’t happen often. That they rarely happen, would be the correct way of saying it.

So we’ve come to take it for granted that they won’t happen. But it did.

On June 1st, Air France A330 crashed into the Atlantic ocean. There were 228 people on board traveling to Paris. Last time I checked, 41 bodies were found and everyone is presumed to be dead.

Though it has already been understood that no one survived, I keep praying that there will be.

I guess I keep desperately hoping for a miracle.

Sunday morning.

Cocoa Puffs and sunday comics.

Once upon a time (two years ago) that above list would have included, Sunday morning cartoons.  So for the heck of it, I decided to give my old friends another chance.

I mean anything to escape the studying. It was a good cause…you know old friends and stuff.

So there was this once cartoon, that I remember had started a little before I basically completely stopped watching Sunday morning cartoons. I can’t remember the name, but it involves a gaming world, and monsters (no not Pokemon…stupids) . And there’s this green monster/hero guy.

So anyways, the green monster/hero guys says this line in the cartoon, “Only the strong can afford to trust” (Or was it, “Only the powerful”?) . So first I snort in my head over that extremely stupid, Star Wars like, line.

Then I started thinking about that line.

Only the strong can afford to trust…huh…it actually makes sense.

Note how the line says, CAN AFFORD. It doesn’t say should, or would, but that they could afford to.  Yeah, you could throw a lot of examples at me, and show me how the strong actually become more paranoid, or can afford to trust less. But as a general rule, it makes sense.

And that from a cartoon with monsters (and its still not Pokemon).

The weak can’t afford to trust, because they don’t know who or what is going to eat them alive. Both metaphoricallyl and literally.

Voldemort  could afford to trust his hunchmen. Why?

Because he was strong, and believed they could never do something against him

His hunchmen couldn’t afford to trust him. Why?

Because they knew Voldemort was stronger, and could afford to kill them.

Humans, generally can afford to trust their pets. Their dogs are tamed and submissive. The human is the master, the stronger one. On the other hand, one  would not generally trust a stray. Especially if those strays enjoy running chasing  you (don’t ask).

It is the strong that know that would be untouched even if the weak wanted to hurt them. And trusting someone or something,  is different from being comfortable. Though, the two are related.

You  might be comfortable around someone, but do you trust them? Maybe not completely. But why? Because they could still hurt you? How and why could they hurt you? Because you’re vulnerable to the hurt, you’re not that strong of a person, you have weaknesses.

Also, notice that you can describe strength in different ways-mentally, physically, emotionally etc.

Ok I’m gonna stop myself here. I’m sorry about that post, but I really wanted to share that lame hallelujah moment with someone. Just think about it. It’s kinda fun.

Promise it is.

On a side note, my laptop crashed. And I forgot I had a blog for a couple days now. HP really knows how to make great products. I talked to a HP guy today who was pretty helpful.

But seriously, I did not pay all this money for a laptop that’s making my life harder. And his suggestion was to get another year warranty for another couple 100 dollars.

um HELL NO

WHAT EXACTLY  IS HP THINKING?

I already PAID you money, to give me a good, relatively durable laptop. YOUR laptop keeps screwing on me, MY warranty is ending, and I get NO compensation for the hell I’ve been put through.

Instead I get the option to pay MORE money that I do NOT have, to cover problems that I SHOULD NOT be having.

Can someone please call HP on my behalf and yell at them.
I ended leaving the conversation giving a 9/10 for my overall HP experience.

I don’t even know how it happened.

I’m pathetic.

Hmm I smell food. Bye.

Do you remember the post I had written a while ago about MY F U T U R E???

Well things aren’t getting better. And I’m getting more and more annoyed everyday.

To add to my annoyance, my parents have decided to start looking for someone for me. And to everyone with non-Asian parents, that means that they’re starting to  look for potential spouses for me..

Yes shocker, in my culture parents can, and will do the looking for your spouse.., also.

I don’t know what happened, but the fact that I don’t want to be in the “looking mode”, doesn’t really matter to them. It did, until sometime ago. Now the fear that I’m going to be old and lonely for the rest of my life, is kicking in. Or at least, that’s what I think happened.

I’m 22, and apparently I’m going to “over the hill” soon.

And do you know what “this looking” involves? It involves pictures of me being sent, and a paper containing government document like information about me, circulated to those who ask. People that I might never meet, and will ever know existed.

BUTTT, we’re just going to ignore the many fallacies of this process and its thought process .

BLEGH

I mean everything is still in baby steps, but I’d prefer if they were in non-existent steps.

The bigger problem is the anger resulting from it. I’m trying to be good, but I’m extremely frustrated with my parental relations right now. And I’m trying to avoid being around them, for fear of saying MANY regretable things.

And that list of regrettable things has already started. I’ve snapped on my parents, during the most unrelated, and non-conflicting conversations.

I need help people. What should I do? How do I keep from losing my control?

This wasn’t the original intention(I seem to do that a lot) of the post, but I’m going to write  a separate post and leave this one as is.

EDIT: This was actually a FALSE ALARM….hahahaha…sorry!

Hello World,

Comma is still giving me trouble, and you would think that should be the least of my worries. Well it’s not. It’s not the biggest either.

What kind of worries do I have? Well some part deals with my parents. More and more, I’ll stop and start watching them, and realize how old they have gotten. I mean they’re not ancient or anything. But it’s almost like they’re hitting the list of endangered things.

Almost.

Sometimes.

Once in a while. … A long while.

And that worries me. I don’t want to lose that child-parent relationship. I don’t want the roles to be reversed. Sometimes I see them and I think of my grandparents. And I think of how my parents were once me, and now they’re the ones taking care of their parents.

It scares the hell (Yes, I cussed, I hope Sana doesn’t leave this blog) out of me.

Will I have to do the same? Will I?

But can I do it? Right now I don’t want to, so no. For now, I can’t do it. There will be no reversing of roles. And yet I feel so guilty saying that.

So we’re just going to keep going, and try my best to ignore things while also trying to make things easier for them.

And there’s the that horrible truth. Thank God they’re not ancient yet. And no they’re not so bad as being almost endangered…I hope no one tells them about this.

Then comes the next worry of life.

MY    F U T U R E

Did you ever watch “Bride and Prejudice”? And they have that extremely lame song. The one that goes, “No life too too to re too Without Wife  too too to re too” . Well I just think it’s the lamest song in the world. It really has nothing to do with MY   F U T U R E.

I just thought I would mention it.

So as far as my future is concerned, so far I’ve come riding on a donkey and cart, on a gravel road. Now I’m standing on this crossroad. And I need to collect certain plants before I finish my journey. There’s a couple different directions I can take.

One looks like the road is going to be terribly hard as soon as I start. It requires lots of endurance, and most likely talent to get through.  And I’ll probably need to survive on whatever I have in stock, for a long time. So I need to go through pain, make sacrifices, and hope I can make it through with whatever I have. Which will be a big risk.

And I can’t even see the ending. Oh but I see lots and lots of vegetation, much further down, but I see it. …..Hmm…..I think I just heard a wolf howling from there.

Then there’s this other road that’s kinda covered. But I’m standing closest to it. It looks really tough too, especially at the beginning ( Don’t ask me why they don’t start paving these roads) but I can see the end. It comes pretty fast. It has some trees, bushes and grass. A decent amount. Maybe it’ll have the plants I need?

And there’s this one other road. It’s more further down, and across a river (or maybe it’s a creek?). So I have to cross that river to get there. But I don’ t know much about that river. Is it fast? Can I just swim across? Maybe I’ll find a boat? Maybe I won’t and I’ll have to come back? But then I have to walk all that way to that river and waste all that time…I need my plants!!!! But the road itself looks slightly promising. It looks like the road is often used, and I can even see greenery on the road.

Then there’s that other option where I could just turn around, go down a mile and turn left. There’s another crossroad back on the pathway that goes to the left. I went down that turn for a second, before I decided to continue on the main road.

So that’s my life and MY  F U T U R E’s  possibilities.

And you always have the plight of the world to worry about.

And those were a couple of the things covering my mind.